The Loss of a Beloved Companion

It has been three-weeks since Punch, my beloved 11 yr old American Bulldog passed away from what is known as dilated cardiomyopathy (DCM). DCM is a common form of heart disease in large breeds. Unfortunately Punch had no prior symptoms and therefore we were unaware of her “enlarged heart”.

It has been difficult to share my feelings with others because of fear of being dismissed as unimportant or hearing the “it’s just a dog” statement.  I myself had thought the same thing when I had heard of others grieving due to the death of their pet. The last couple of weeks I have done a tremendous amount of deep thinking. I have gone through a roller coaster of sadness, guilt, denial and anger. I have questioned myself on what I could have done to prevent this. I have been angry at myself for not being able to spot underlining signs, for not spending the entire last days with her. Perhaps it was just a bad dream and I would wake to her barking about wanting to go outside. I have felt sadness that I never thought was possible. How could all of these feelings be caused by the death of a pet, especially one that I knew I would outlive? Then I started to look online and found that thousands of Americans feel as I do.  Numerous studies have been conducted with the results indicating that the loss of a close pet can be as hard if not harder in some cases than the death of a relative. I understand how that may sound, because I too would have dismissed those findings just a mere four-weeks ago. I came across quite a few blogs and articles on how to deal with the loss of a close pet. One of the methods was to write about your feelings and or experience; must be the reason for so many blogs and articles. What better way to honor Punch, than to write about what she taught me.

I spent the last 10 ½ years in the presence of a loving companion. A companion that was happy to see me regardless of what day it was. When I look back I realize that she made me happy every time I came in contact with her. If I had a bad day at work or had a fight with my significant other, she was always there to comfort me. We sometimes take the loyalty they offer for granted. When you think about the amount of love and loyalty a dog provides, it makes you wonder why more humans can’t be the same. Punch was a simple dog that only required three things to be happy; food and water, to be taken out daily so she can relieve herself, and to be given love and attention. I questioned that last part for a couple weeks after she passed. Did I give her enough attention? Did she die knowing how much we loved her? I thought about the times she barked to go out and how sometimes I would get upset because I was too lazy to get up. How mad I was when she tore up my couch on the patio we had in Scottsdale, Az.  Or how furious I was when she chewed up some baseballs that were signed by players from the Chicago Cubs. I look back now and realized how selfish I was. Even after all that, she still loved me back. If only I could hear her bark one last time, which I know will never happen. But what I do know after all these thoughts is that she had a good life, surrounded by those who loved her. And I can feel comfort in knowing that she lived and died knowing that. My wife, my other dog Max, and myself all were all there during her last breath. She knew we were there and that gave her peace during her final moments.

We recently planted a Rose of Sharon Tree in the spot she used to sunbathe in. The tree blooms big white flowers that remind me of her white coat.  Soon instead of being sad, I will smile when I think of all the memories she has left us with. Many people have asked me since she has passed, if I will be getting another dog. At first, I quickly said no! Why would I want to replace her were my initial thoughts. Maybe that was their meaning in asking the question, but I didn’t ask. I wondered if Punch would think that we would forget about her, or if we would forget about her in time. I can say with much confidence that I will never forget her and how she impacted my life so much. Yes, one day I will find it in me to bring home another loving dog. In Punch’s honor I will love the new dog as much as I did her. The lessons learned from the past 11 years will help me be a better pet owner and companion.

At the end, we all end up dying. Whether you’re a human, dog, cat, bird, or hamster, it all comes down to how you lived your life. Did you love your companion as much as they loved you? Because if you do, you can die in peace knowing you were loved right back.